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When a man offers to cook you lobster linguini, you are supposed to swoon. Lobster is expensive and linguini is basically extra-fancy spaghetti.  You should be grateful. He thinks you are worth fancy spaghetti.   What you shouldn’t reply is “Oh right, yeah, so I don’t really eat seafood.”   I hadn’t been on a date in 6 years. I got engaged when I was 22 (omfg that is just so insane to type out).    I nearly got married at 26 but then a global pandemic got in the way and cancelled the wedding, then we cancelled our relationship. So it was time to put myself back out there.    I’d always had a lot of fun swiping left and right with my single friends on their apps, but the thought of actually downloading one of the apps myself was nerve-wracking to say the least. I thought I was one of the lucky ones that would never have to admit to being on Tinder.     I decided that I want somebody that has their shit together (I mean, who doesn’t?!...

I was a bit of a shit in school. I wasn’t absolutely awful to the extent of getting suspended or expelled because that is mainly because I’ve always had the gift of the gab and could sweet talk my way out of most situations. Like a husband that has been caught cheating “I promise, I can change” was one of my most repeated phrases at school.  In year 10 and 11, my mum was having treatment after being diagnosed with Breast Cancer. The whole period of chemotherapy is a bit of a blur to me. I can only really remember a few things from those two years (yay for unhealthy coping mechanisms) but getting kicked out of the majority of my core subjects was one.    I wasn’t stupid at school, I was a solid B student without having to put in any effort. Every single school report I ever had said “I had so much potential but I was too distracting.” I know that I could have achieved straight A’s, but I was more interested in the sixth formers and MSN.    My English Literature t...

Sometimes you’ll be presented with a situation where you really wish you’d paid a bit more attention in school, like when you’ve lied on your CV that you can speak French and you’re questioned on it in a job interview (Sacre Bleu) ...or when you’re trying to work out what 15% off is in a clothes shop because they’ve decided to test their customer base by not putting stickers on clearly outlining the new price. But one thing you really should pay attention to is a First Aid course. I remember the external company coming into my middle school in year 7 but we just didn’t take it very seriously. The main education I’ve had about first aid is from THAT episode of The US Office.    So imagine how much I wish I’d paid attention when I was on holiday in Laos, chilling out at a bar in the middle of the day when all of a sudden my then-boyfriend has a huge seizure.    For a few seconds, I thought it was actually a joke. But then he started frothing at the mouth, fell on the f...

  Sometimes I feel a bit like Simon Cowell when I look for a boyfriend - I want them to have the X-factor. It can’t really be defined what the X-factor is, but everyone knows what it is.  When it comes to relationships, I am completely aware I have been brainwashed by years of watching Rom-Coms, and I think it’s become worse with the introduction of Netflix, NowTV and Amazon Prime being so readily available.   Whenever I had an argument with a boyfriend, I knew I was 3 clicks away from being fully immersed into an American blockbuster where the life of the female lead’s life is going a bit tits up (which is my life most of the time) but then they meet someone and they live happily ever after.    I read that rom-coms are the female equivalent of men watching porn - both don’t reflect reality very well and both genders then have a higher expectation of love or sex than we should.    But, when it comes to finding the right person - you do want someone tha...

  There are two sentences I clearly remember my ex-best friend saying to me. The first was when we were 17 - “My mum is being a massive bitch, can I come and stay with you for a while?”   Of course I said yes and she came to live with me and my parents for about 2 months - it was pretty great, it was like living with the sister I’d never had. It felt like we were already 27, sharing a flat in Chelsea with each other, getting home from our fabulous jobs at PR agencies and discussing which pair of outrageously expensive shoes we would buy for the office Christmas party - when the reality is, we were living in my parents' house in Dunstable and complaining that we had no money or fake ID’s to go out at the weekend. I thought that my life would be the former and that it was a glimpse into a few years' time where we would be independent, rich and invited to all the cool parties in Soho. It turns out our lives wouldn’t turn out like that. The second sentence I clearly remember her s...