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Showing posts from November, 2020

Cooling caps and Capulets

I was a bit of a shit in school. I wasn’t absolutely awful to the extent of getting suspended or expelled because that is mainly because I’ve always had the gift of the gab and could sweet talk my way out of most situations. Like a husband that has been caught cheating “I promise, I can change” was one of my most repeated phrases at school.  In year 10 and 11, my mum was having treatment after being diagnosed with Breast Cancer. The whole period of chemotherapy is a bit of a blur to me. I can only really remember a few things from those two years (yay for unhealthy coping mechanisms) but getting kicked out of the majority of my core subjects was one.    I wasn’t stupid at school, I was a solid B student without having to put in any effort. Every single school report I ever had said “I had so much potential but I was too distracting.” I know that I could have achieved straight A’s, but I was more interested in the sixth formers and MSN.    My English Literature t...

Note to self: stop going out with drug addicts

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Sometimes you’ll be presented with a situation where you really wish you’d paid a bit more attention in school, like when you’ve lied on your CV that you can speak French and you’re questioned on it in a job interview (Sacre Bleu) ...or when you’re trying to work out what 15% off is in a clothes shop because they’ve decided to test their customer base by not putting stickers on clearly outlining the new price. But one thing you really should pay attention to is a First Aid course. I remember the external company coming into my middle school in year 7 but we just didn’t take it very seriously. The main education I’ve had about first aid is from THAT episode of The US Office.    So imagine how much I wish I’d paid attention when I was on holiday in Laos, chilling out at a bar in the middle of the day when all of a sudden my then-boyfriend has a huge seizure.    For a few seconds, I thought it was actually a joke. But then he started frothing at the mouth, fell on the f...