Note to self: stop going out with drug addicts

Sometimes you’ll be presented with a situation where you really wish you’d paid a bit more attention in school, like when you’ve lied on your CV that you can speak French and you’re questioned on it in a job interview (Sacre Bleu)

...or when you’re trying to work out what 15% off is in a clothes shop because they’ve decided to test their customer base by not putting stickers on clearly outlining the new price.

But one thing you really should pay attention to is a First Aid course. I remember the external company coming into my middle school in year 7 but we just didn’t take it very seriously. The main education I’ve had about first aid is from THAT episode of The US Office. 

 

So imagine how much I wish I’d paid attention when I was on holiday in Laos, chilling out at a bar in the middle of the day when all of a sudden my then-boyfriend has a huge seizure. 

 

For a few seconds, I thought it was actually a joke. But then he started frothing at the mouth, fell on the floor and spasming uncontrollably. 

 

We were in a really remote part of the country, it was off-season, the rivers weren’t full enough for tourists to go tubing so the streets were empty, bars and restaurants had a handful of people in and I quickly realised that I had no fucking clue what to do when someone completely loses control of their body. 

 

You know when you have a dream that you are trying to run but can’t move your legs, or you’re trying to scream but nothing comes out - that’s exactly what happened to me.

I was trying to shout for help but all I could do was look around in panic. I was 18 years old, I’d been in the country for less than a day, I hadn’t even learned how to say ‘hello’ yet let alone ‘My boyfriend is having a seizure because he’s taken too many prescription drugs that he is not prescribed and can you please help?’.

 

Luckily, there was an English man behind the bar who must have heard the enormous thud as a 16-stone rugby player hit the concrete floor and he ran over and put him in the recovery position - I think I would have honestly rolled him onto his back and thought I was doing the right thing as he choked to death.

 

As the bar was so empty, he waited for my boyfriend to come around then he drove us to a local hospital.

 

We decided to spend the next 4 days in the hotel so R could recover - it was the same time that the MH370 plane went missing, so my knowledge of that event is through the roof as the only English channel was BBC World News. Test me on it in any quiz, I’ll smash it. 

 

Sometimes, not even having a huge seizure in a foreign country is enough for some people to change their habits, I found that out after a lot of deceit a year later but people make their own path. I now know when I go on holiday, I’d like to be able to finish my banana smoothie rather than ending up in a hospital. 

 

But one thing I have taken away from it is: learn the recovery position or let your boyfriend die when he takes too many drugs - up to you.